


Table Number Five

by FeoplePeel



Series: Harry Potter Daily Prompts [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blind Date, F/M, Humor and Humiliation, Speed Dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-27
Updated: 2012-02-27
Packaged: 2017-10-31 20:03:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/347862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeoplePeel/pseuds/FeoplePeel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt 004 - A blind date occurs between two characters you do not ship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Table Number Five

**Author's Note:**

> When Draco left his contact information at a local wizards speed-dating circuit, he never expected a call back. AU (though canon-compliant) and kind of goofy.

"Father, can you not forbid mother from continuing this preposterous line of thought?" Draco Malfoy pleaded with his father, Narcissa at his back, arms crossed and face pinched.

"Draco," Lucius Malfoy did not look at Draco. "You know I cannot forbid your mother to do anything, especially when it comes to you. Why must you attempt to deter her when you could simply give in and be done with it in a matter of hours?"

The youngest Malfoy's look was contemptuous. "Malfoys woo. They entice and ensnare. They tempt women with their charm and vast amounts of money. Malfoys do not _speed date_."

"They can." Narcissa stepped from behind her son, giving him an equally scathing look. "And they will."

*****

Draco was in a suit. He was in a suit, waiting for Merlin knows how many desperate witches (or wizards, he added, silently) to cling to him in a feeble attempt to win the night. "This whole dating nonsense started because of the war, you know?" He said to a bar tender who, Draco was certain, took quite an interest in the life of a young Pureblood. "I'm top stock. Pureblood. Turns out, no one wants that, right now. All the mud," He coughed into his drink and finished clumsily, "-ggleborns are looking for other muggleborns, the damn hypocrites. And all the Purebloods." Draco played with the rim of his glass. "Well, they're fine enough girls, but most of them were on the losing side of the war, if you know what I mean." The bartender rolled his eyes and Draco was suddenly glad he had left out the part about being slightly unpopular in the 'unwanted' crowd, as it were. Even Daphne Greengrass had turned him down, though he was still waiting to hear from her younger sister.

A few stragglers had wandered in. They looked like the terrified, pathetic gazelle that Draco was sure even wildlife predators would leave be. Regardless of metaphor, he wasn't going near them. Lack of prospects, not withstanding.

"This the usual crowd?" Draco asked.

The barman took a quick glance around. "Pretty much."

"I'll tell you what." Draco scribbled a few lines on a pamphlet, folded it in half, and placed it on designated table number five. "I'm going to leave that here, as my place holder. It says all the things I would say to anyone in here if they were to approach me, so that's fair, right." The barman shrugged. "Right. Now, it even has my contact information and that's nice." Draco thought about this and quickly scratched out his name. "Somewhat nice."

*****

Hermione was late, not that she cared. Ron and she had decided (mutually, she reminded herself firmly) to take a break while he studied in Romania and she studied at the Ministry. Hermione had not foreseen any problems on a romantic front as she had a decided lack of one before and wished for none of it, at the moment. Ginny, however, felt otherwise, finally telling Hermione she had had enough. This happened, notably, on a night when she, Harry and Hermione had dinner plans and the latter sent the former two flat looks the entire evening.

It wasn't her fault their kissing had interrupted her digestion.

So, at the urging of her closest female friend and with nothing better to do, Hermione arrived late to a speed-date.

Several witches and wizards were in deep conversation. Hermione gave one man, sitting alone, a courtesy wave and continued to an empty table. She was sure she'd have to face him before the night's end, but he could come to her when the bell sounded.

At table number five, there were two candles and a few empty glasses. Hermione sat and pulled out a book. The bell sounded and the man from before was over her shoulder, practically humming with excitement.

"Hello." Hermione smiled, placing a piece of folded paper in her book to mark her place. "Would you care to join me?"

*****

Hermione checked her watch, again. _Thirty minutes and I've talked to two abysmal people. I thought this was called **speed** dating._

When the bell sounded, Hermione pulled out her book again. The piece of paper inside fell to the floor and she bent over to pick it up. There was writing inside.

_Hello, madam or sir,_

_I do not like you and you probably don't like me. I assure you the latter part is because you don't know me. I'm absolutely charming. However, the appalling thought of speed dating has kept my lovely persona away from you tonight and thus, you, away from me. This explains the first part of my statement, why I don't like you. Like you? Why, I hardly know you!_

_So, this is me. I like tradition, reading and I have high expectations of myself. Thus, I have left this place to advance my romantic life elsewhere. I wish you all the best and, should you ever feel the need to pull yourself out of this hellish cycle of meet-and-greets, do not hesitate to contact me._

Hermione's eyes were full of tears. The note was hilarious. A list of office hours and a number lie below. She scribbled it down, hastily.

When she looked up, a gangly brunette stood above her. She smiled apologetically, standing to shake his hand. "Sorry, I've just found my number."

*****

Draco stepped into his office the next morning and a note was immediately pushed into his hand by one of the floor secretaries. "You've got an appointment with Alvarez at two and a woman called to set up a date." She lifted a brow, casually. "From speed dating, she says. Shall I make the date?"

Draco balked. Someone actually ate that shit up? "I'm sorry, what?"

"Speed-dating. Woman. Date."

"No, yes, I got all of that. Did she have a name?"

"Didn't say, sir. So I didn't give her yours, either, if that's all right."

Draco nodded, dumbly. "Wait, if she didn't know my name, how did you know it was for me?"

The secretary rolled her eyes. "She called in to your direct line, sir." Her tone spoke volumes where words could not.

"Damn." Draco bit his thumbnail. "Should have scratched out the number, too."

*****

Hermione Granger sat at a table for two, already occupied by one, Draco Malfoy. They noticed each other as the menus were placed in front of them.

"Well, shit." Draco threw his napkin on the table.

"Such language." Hermione's voice was pure venom. "I'll have the special. Number five."

"That's the most expensive meal on the list you filthy," Draco pressed his lips together, backtracking in his mind.

The witch crossed her arms, looking smug. "I know you can afford it. After all, I have _very_ high expectations of you, Malfoy."

Draco groaned into his hands, cursing his mother.


End file.
